Today, I sit in a all too familiar place that is completely new. Snow is falling softly on the ground outside the window to my right and I sit and contemplate how in the world I got here.
Thirteen months ago I abandoned Pennsylvania's bitter cold tendencies to start a new life in the warmer regions of Florida. There was nothing personal between Pennsylvania and I. Being persuaded by sunshine, opportunity, flexibility, and friendship I happily left for a new frontier the characteristics of which were all too familiar.
Perhaps the context for this first entry would be better served going back even further into the past. Perhaps 1991 would be a good springboard.
1991 was the year my parents thought I would be old enough to spend my first week away at summer camp. I was nine years old. I stayed in Cabin #10, a brown cinderblock rectangle-shaped room with two toilets stalls and two sinks in the back. The showers were provided at the "Upper Shower House" about 500 feet away. My counselor's name was Jason. He was a tall guy who always wore a blue baseball cap and seemed to perfect the "scruffy face" look. I remember being confused at how much stuff he had with him. His clothes were neatly stored in old plastic milk crates stacked one on top of each other. I was amazed to find out that he actually lived at the camp for the entire summer! Somehow I was convinced that he only existed to be my counselor for this one week in this one summer.
I later returned to camp for four more summers. My counselors were Lee and Drew, Tony, Jay, and John. My last three summers were in the program called the Night Owl Club. It was the best idea I have ever heard for a middle-school kid: stay up all night and sleep during the day! After those five years I felt I became too old for camp and my time was over.
Five years later I was a soon-to-be High School graduate. Looking to get away from home I found myself in frequent conversations with a long-time neighbor and fellow bus ride companion. She spent two summers working as a lifeguard at the summer camp I had long forgotten about. She convinced me that camp would be a great place for me to work. After much consideration I consented to apply. In the early spring of 2000 I drove down to camp to have my summer staff interview with the Assistant Director, Lee. I was surprised to find out later that this same Lee was my counselor during my second summer. After the interview I took a short tour of main camp, thinking about all the memories I had as a camper.
After completing my lifeguard certification through the Red Cross and receiving the thumbs up from Lee, I was set to graduate and immediately begin my unknown adventure as a summer camp staffer.
Being a staff member was totally different than being a camper! It was work! It was challenging... emotionally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I was something I unfortunately was not mature enough to prosper in. I spent that summer continually wishing I wasn't there. Every chance I got to get out of something I would. I even missed the staff photo. It wasn't that I had somewhere to go. I remember getting picked up and driving away as I saw my fellow staffers gathering at the entrance sign not caring that I would be nowhere to be found in that picture. What a disappointment I had that summer. What a disappointment I was to myself. This realization hit me at the closing staff worship on the last night of the summer. I walked down Chapel Hill by myself crying in grief, knowing I completely spoiled the entire experience.
What a waste!
Thankfully I knew that it was my fault and it was my responsibility to take. My chances to come back were slim to none. Still, there was something I knew I missed.
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